praying is good. should do it more often.

dear God...

please be with R.. please give her strength.. please make her happy.. please don't let her feel alone.. please make them be nice to her.. please help her to sleep.. please make her better.. please let her know that people are thinking of her, praying for her, hoping she's okay, counting down the hours till she'll be in sydney and away from them...

please take care of R.. please keep her safe.. please keep her safe.. please keep her safe.. please give her strength.. please make them be nice to her.. please don't let him ever have anything to do with her again.. please don't let her feel alone.. please help her to sleep peacefully.. please help her to think of nice things.. please make her well..

please look after A.. please make her happy.. please guide her.. please keep her from getting paranoid.. please help her family to get along, and to say supportive things, and to not say things which she might misinterpret or overanalyse..

i'm so sorry that this prayer is only 'please's, that every prayer is only 'please's.. i'm so sorry that i say thoughtless things.. i'm so sorry that i don't know what to say.. i'm so sorry that i'm not kind to him.. i'm so sorry i'm so weak.. i'm so sorry i was reluctant to stay with her, and that i would prefer to sleep sometimes than talk to other her.. i'm sorry i'm so lazy and self-indulgent.. i'm so sorry i hardly talk to You, and when i do, get distracted or go off on tangents..

but please.. You're the only one who can help them..

thank You for listening

love claire

amen

wouldn't trust my head if i were me

something i need to remember...

if i trust my friends' opinions more than my own, on the grounds that they are wiser, smarter, and more awesome in general than i am...

then i need to hold that true for everything.

including what i think of myself.

so it doesn't MATTER how convincing my head can be. it's wrong if other people say it is.

...it took ages to get this to be not-incoherent... :P

haven't blogged in ages...

hmm... i'm tired a lot. maybe i didn't get enough sleep last night. i don't know.

'fessed-up to Rads last night, about the promise i broke... so glad i did. she convinced me it was ok, that she didn't hate me, that even if i break the promise again she won't be mad or not want to be friends with me (i dunno how i convinced myself otherwise, but holy crap i was scared...) and it was just... all ok. she is... an angel. i dunno how else she does it. but yeah, that was a load off... hehe. i wish i could comfort people like she can. heh, i wish i could comfort HER that well...

Von i know you're worried about people. there's like no way you could not be. please rant if you want. PLEASE. i rant so much at you. and i'm worried that you're worried. who CARES if maybe i worry more cos i know more stuff first hand about people or whatevs. that just means it's ok if you rant at me because i probably know it anyway. and if it's something i don't already know, i'll never bring it up unless you do, and never with anyone other than you.

maybe clairesie's just a little paranoid... but she can't quite understand the idea of a friend who isn't sad or stressed out for some reason... that's sad in itself, isn't it... meep.

anyway, byebye :)