meeeeeeeeeep

people caring makes me nervous
people asking questions that show they know exactly everything about me without me saying a word makes me nervous (especially when i haven't spoken to them much)

the good thing about mcdonalds is that everyone's nice, but no-one cares

went to dinner and saw the worst 2 people in the world to see at the moment - my bible study leader, and my phd friend who is scarily like mrs morris. they asked how exams were going, and did i have the maths one the other day? and i couldn't lie to them...

and now bec (yeah, name's the same too) says she's happy to coach me for the supplementary exams if the maths department will let me take them, and... freakin... yargh. honestly, stuff would be so much simpler if i just took the stupid courses again. i think i should. i really don't understand even the most basic of stuff, and there's not a chance i'll understand it properly in a couple of weeks, and the plan is made, can i just stick with it...?

(but that would involve telling her about the IT/arts at anu, which involves FAR too much explaining and i just don't want to get into it, because i don't want the opposition which is inevitable from anyone here...)

and christine looks worried about me. she didn't say anything in particular, but... i don't know.

why does the idea that someone knows stuff about me scare me so much?

GO AWAY YOU PEOPLE WHO CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME i don't like it i don't like it :(

...can i just go to sleep now?

really, REALLY anxious and hyperactive. i don't have a clue why. haven't overdosed on caffeine today *further annoyed at self* maybe i should. YEAH GREAT PLAN DO THAT NOW. NOT. no caffeine for clairesie.

:(

(sorry, this mood will pass. clairesie should not blog at only times when she feels like crap.)