i dont want to decide :(

i have to make a decision by friday.
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well i could just apply regardless. like i can always turn down stuff. it's still done by uai, which is good, cos i'm pretty sure i'm going to fail some stuff :S
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but now i'm not so sure i want to leave
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but that's the most selfish disgusting thing in the world. i have to come back. for mum, among other people.
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but what if that means i'm abandoning people here, who have started maybe to need me a little more than before?
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and i don't have a clue what ~i~ want to do. which is good, cos i don't care. if i did something wrong by someone else in favour of what i wanted to do, it would be pointless, cos i couldn't live with myself.
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and it's arrogant to think that i matter so much to people that stuff like this should require so much deliberation.
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*overthinks everything to a ridiculous degree*
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*is an idiot*
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oh whatever, claire, stop being a fool.

i'd kind of like to.. stay till the end of the year, and move back then.. i think. but i don't have a clue. honestly, i can't imagine permanently living at home again...

crap, now i just want to crawl into a hole and cry, and i have to finish this ghastly computing assignment that's a million years late...
[shut up, stupid claire, no-one wants to hear your bullshit]
i wish my head would stop saying that. even though it's true, it's still annoying.
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ARGH
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(all done);